Poetry and Self-Reflection

Hello all! We’ve had a lot of interviews and OT history on the blog recently. For today, I want to change things up and present to you a poem from OTD student at Midwestern University, Tara Schoen. I want to thank her for taking the time to write this wonderful poem and for allowing me to share it with all of you!

It’s a beautiful poem that discusses death and our connection to the people we love. It also shows how OTPs can utilize creative writing as a therapeutic tool in our practice. Also, please feel free to check out the interview that I did with Tara where she explains her methods behind writing it. 

As I Lay Here

Tara Schoen

You watch me reaching, with my hand open wide.

I see her, standing there to welcome me.

You watch me, pressing against the wall.

I see her, behind a force I can not pass.

You watch me, moving closer to the wall as I press harder.

I see her, no matter how much I try I can not get closer.

You watch me, I watch her.

I look at you, I want to touch her one more time.

 I am determined. I am smart. I am courageous.

I close my eyes, I go to her.

You watch me, the monitors flatline and you call for help. 

I hear the noise. I hear your voice. I feel a push.

I look at you, I hold your hand.

She was not ready for me, as I lay here you hold me tight.

Now I watch him, reaching for her.

He tells me she is waiting, I tell him I know.

Now I watch him, as he finds the way.

He tells me it is dark, I tell him to stay on the path.

Now I watch him, as he smiles and laughs.

He tells me he found the party, I tell him to go.

Now I watch him, I hold his hand.

I brush his hair, kiss his forehead, and say I love you.

He is determined. He is smart. He is courageous.

She was ready for him, as I lay here you still hold me tight.

Interview with Tara Schoen 

Can you tell me a little bit about your poem? 

Several years ago, after a surgical procedure, I went to a place that I believe to be heaven. The only thing I saw there was my grandmother, who had passed away from leukemia when I was in 8th grade. The beginning of the poem describes my experience as well as what my husband viewed as he sat there next to me. Seven months ago my Dad passed after being in the hospital for my entire first quarter of graduate school. I was his primary caretaker and spent every night after class by his side. The second half of the poem is about how I used my near-death experience to understand and comfort my dad as he slowly found his way to my grandma.

What made you decide to write about this topic? 

To be honest, I’ve been told several times to write about my experience but I didn’t feel like words alone could describe it. I’ve been struggling with sleep since my Dad passed and find myself thinking about the topic. One night, around 1am, I was laying in bed and began using a rhythmic pattern to describe my emotions in hopes that it would put me to sleep. But it did the opposite and I created this poem in my head. Naturally, I woke up the person next to me – who thankfully mumbled “go write it down and I’ll read it in the morning”. 

How does this connect to OT? 

I think it connects to OT in that I was using a therapeutic method to calm myself as my thoughts tried to wander into places I didn’t want them to go. I’ve never created a poem before, but writing this poem taught me that sharing my experiences in an expressive way not only frees my mind but it helps others understand my story. 

What do you want people to get out of reading this poem? 

It is important to share your experiences with others because it not only comforts you but it supports others as they struggle with a similar journey.